Mousetrap

Last night we spent a fantastic evening at a friend's house playing games.  There were tables playing all sorts of complex, strategic games but I ended up playing Mousetrap with the kids.

For those of you who don't remember the game from their childhood, it involves building a complex mousetrap then being the last mouse uncaught by the trap.  It was hilarious and I was the cause of much of the laughter as I managed to land on the only spot that sends you back to the start 8 times in a row.  In the end a friend had to roll the dice for me to get me out of there.

Later in the evening we sat around, glasses of red wine in hand discussing our dream holiday destinations and plans for the future and I reflected on what a great place my life is at.  When a single night can include rolling on the floor with laughter over a kids game and intellectual discussion over delicious red wine, it is a pretty great night.

Home Grown

I have a fairly tiny garden but I do make it work hard.  All year I grow a range of herbs - rosemary, bay, oregano, thyme and parsley.  I have a lemon tree and in summer I add basil, tomatoes and other veggies to the mix.  This year we are growing zucchinis and eggplant.

We have harvested kilos of tomatoes and quite a few zucchini but our first eggplant is still growing.  Every year at about this time as I admire my bountiful supply of tomatoes and other veggies I'm filled with pride and a short lived sense that I could be self sufficient - short lived because I quickly realise that growing a few plants is not equivellent to growing all you need to live on.

I dream of one day having a huge vegetable patch with a rotating planting system, growing a significant portion of our food each year.  I would really love to grow my own fruit, I know from experience it tastes so much better than what you can buy in the shops.  But in the meantime I continue to feel very proud of the delicious food my tiny garden produces.

Do you grow vegetables? And does ti give you a somewhat overwhelming sense of pride when you get to eat what you have grown?

Pimm's

I'm a relatively new to the Pimm's bandwagon but I can say that I have taken to it with gusto.  If you have never drunk Pimm's before it is a a gin-based drink containing a secret mixture of herbs and liqueurs.  You generally drink it in a 1:3 ratio with lemonade (7-Up for any US readers), usually with some added fruit.

My first experience of Pimm's was at my gorgeous friend Floss's wedding.  They were married in a garden ceremony at11am.  Straight after the ceremony we had the wedding cake accompanied by Pimm's and lemonade.  I will never forget standing in those gorgeous gardens, eating fruit cake and drinking Pimm's.  It was a really unique wedding and it definitely started a love affair with Pimm's for me.

These days I love to fill my glass with fruit, making it into a kind of Pimm's punch.  A few slices of orange, a couple of strawberries, a stick or two of cucumber and some mint all topped with Pimm's and lemonade makes for an incredibly refreshing beverage.  It really is a perfect summer cocktail, sweet and fruity yet with that distinctive tang.  As a matter of fact I might go pour myself one now!

Swimming

My childhood summers would make an awesome montage in a film.  A gang of tanned kids playing in gardens, building forts in the paddocks behind the houses and climbing trees.  Our combined families playing street cricket and having BBQs that went from lunch till well after dark.  And then there would be the swimming.

We were lucky enough to grow up with a backyard swimming pool in a street were there were quite a few.  Mum could always tell which house we were at by the echoing screams, shouts and splashes.  My sister and I would spend so many hours in those pools that we would be darkly tanned by the end of the summer.  We were masters at riding a pool pony, could swim multiple laps underwater and were unbeatable at marco polo.  One summer we even taught our Uncle how to swim.  We truly were water babies.

As I grew older I spent less and less time in the pool.  It just wasn't as fun as it was when we were little.  Our firm childhood friends and pool buddies had grown up, gone in different directions and were no long available to play marco polo for hours.  Since I moved out of home the effort of going over with swimmers etc and my annoyance at extra hair washing and drying, has meant that it has been quite literally years since I had been in that pool.

But then this summer arrived with its blaze of heat suited to only one thing - lazy pool afternoons.  For the last two weeks before family dinner S and I have headed up for a swim.  I can see such a difference between us when it comes to the pool.  My years and years of constant swimming mean I'm completely confident and jump right in even though I haven't been swimming for ages.  S has never been a swimmer and he is much more hesitant about the whole thing. 

But we have been having a ball.  Mucking about, playing in the water.  I had forgotten how free you feel in the weightless environment of the water.  I am enjoying swimming laps and feeling that sense of powering through.  And it is just so nice to cool off in this super hot weather.

After hiding away in a drawer for years my bikini is finally seeing the light of day and if this weather continues the way it appears to be I can see many more afternoons in the family pool.  Now just to get a new pool pony!

Have you been swimming this summer? And are there any childhood activities that you haven't done since then that you would like to again?

Happiness - Change

Change is probably better associated with angst, fear, sadness and confusion than happiness.  But it is something that happens to all of us, so finding a way to deal with it that maintains happiness is important.  It is particularly important for me at the moment as 2013 has burst onto the scene with a whirlwind of change.  Some is good and exciting, some is bad and sad, some we just don't know yet. 

The first few weeks of the year have seen my circle of family and friends face two marriages ending, two pregnancies announced, a move to a new city, a redundancy, our dance school closing and various plans to open a new one.  For me personally I have landed a new job and have the uncertainty about what is happening with dance, not to mention supporting my friends through their own changes.  I feel that the ground has shifted under my feet so fast that I have no idea what this new landscape is or where I stand in it.  This level of change, actually any change at all, can seem overwhelming and scary.

For a long time in my early 20's I tried to shield myself from change.  I lived life like a calm, still pond - safe, comfortable and predictable.  Of course the reality is that you cannot prevent change it will thrust itself upon you when you least expect it.  And more to the point if you don't change, that calm, still pond will become stagnant, not capable of supporting a healthy life.

Since that time I've experienced many changes in my life.  Good changes, bad changes, surprise changes, planned changes, it has pretty much all happened.  The key I've found to dealing with change in a way that leaves me happy is to do just that - deal with it. And to deal with it I've developed a little process that helps me, I hope it might help you.

Step 1: Understand the change
When a change arrives or is announced you rarely get the whole story in one go.  It can be really easy to have a snap reaction before you even understand what the change is.  So when something arises I try not to have a major reaction till I have the full story - which can be easier said than done.  Sometimes getting the full story can take days or weeks, so you need to start moving on through the steps, but remember till you really understand what this change is and why it is happening, it is hard to respond rationally and logically.

Step 2: Have a moment
I think it is completely unreasonable to expect that you can just accept all change without some kind of emotional reaction.  I'm a pretty emotional person, my first reaction is always going to be emotional and it is ok to have a freak out, or just stand still in shock or cry or jump up and down with joy.  I let myself have that visceral reaction - then I move on.   When I see people who aren't coping with a change it is because they don't move on from that initial emotion.  Don't underestimate how strong it can be.  Grief often accompanies change because change usually means leaving something behind.  The key is to recognise all those emotions are valid and that you will probably still feel them for quite some time but that you need to move on from there.

Step 3: Work out what this means for you
So once you know what has changed and you have had your moment (however long that needs to be), it is time to work out what this means for you.  A time of change is often a great time to reevaluate your goals and it can create opportunities that are larger than just the initial change. 

Step 4: Move forward
When change has happened the path is not always clear.  But no one said you have to move right to the finish line in one go.  In fact no one said you have to get there in a straight line.  The key is that you don't let change become a road block where you are left floundering in emotion.  Moving forward can be as slow as you need it to be - as long as there is movement.

Strange as it may seem, sometimes steps three and four can be reversed.  The change will demand action so you need to start doing things before you have entirely worked out what the end goal is going to be.  This is ok, sometimes it just works like that, it is just important not to skip step 3 and find yourself in a default position which you may not have intended.

Overall the thing I've learned about change is that no matter how huge, terrifying, sad, or annoying it may seem finding happiness on the other side is always possible.

Girls Night

One of my favourite gatherings has to be the girls night.  After all what can be more fun than gathering with a group of your best girlfriends over delicious food and heaps of drink for all the catching up and gossiping we can manage.

Last year was a little short on girls nights.  It isn't that I didn't see my gorgeous possy of girls, it was just usually in the context of one on one catch ups or larger gatherings.  So I decided to kick things off early this year and we have made a promise to hold them more regularly.

I nearly always serve tacos.  They are so easy to make, simple to have gluten and/or dairy free (essential in my circle) and you can dress them up to suit yourself.  We drank Pimms and lemonade, white wine sangria and caprioskas - with some alcohol free punch for the drivers.  We chatted about what is happening in everyone's lives, workshopped wedding scenarios (there are 3 upcoming) and discussed various snippets of news.  All pretty much our standard fare.

The thing about a girls night, however, is they are always so relaxed.  I never worry about what to wear.  Food is casual, conversation is flowing and the laughter rarely stops.  They really are truly relaxed gatherings.  And more to the point these are friends I absolutely trust, so it is the perfect group to talk through anything that is on my mind.

I feel really grateful to have found such a gorgeous group of girls and can imagine these nights will continue till we all have to arrange to be in the same nursing home together.

10 years on

10 years ago today Mum and I went to the movies to see the German film "Mostly Martha" (later remade by Hollywood as No Reservations).  It was great.  I went to work for a bit that day then went and had a massage.  The night before I'd been at my best friend's house where she had made a fish curry followed by homemade apricot icecream.  It was really hot that night and as I left the house kangaroos were sitting on the street eating people's lawns so that I had to drive around them to get out.

These are pretty detailed memories for a random weekend 10 years ago, however the thing is it wasn't just some random weekend - 10 years ago the sky turned black then orange then red as a firestorm raced into Canberra killing 4 people, injuring many more and burning down 500 homes.  In some ways it feels as though it was a lifetime ago, in other ways I can't believe 10 years have passed.

We were lucky, while the fire came within meters of our property we didn't lose anything.  Friends and neighbours helped us fight the flames and we only got the grass fire, not the pine forest fueled firestorm. Friends of ours were not so lucky, there is nothing you can do to fight a giant fireball that lands on your house setting the whole thing ablaze in seconds.

For a long time after the fire just thinking about it made me very emotional.  I think we all had  post-traumatic shock to some extent.  These days I can think about it pretty objectively, (although listening to a montage on the radio that included the emergency message from the day this morning had me in tears) but the one moment that will always move me when I remember it is not because it was sad, it is because it made me really, truly realise what was important.

Before and during the fire we were busy, crazy busy trying to prepare then fight the fire (and me having asthma attacks and coughing fits - I do not mix well with smoke).  But after it had passed we sat around in the family room.  There were my parents, my sister, her then boyfriend (now husband), me and our dogs.  Everyone was exhausted, that post adrenaline rush lethargy.  It was fairly dark, with no electricity and the air heavy with smoke.  The radio was on and the local ABC was reporting suburb after suburb burning.  We knew that houses had been lost and we expected that people had been killed.  Occasionally the phone would ring, friends and relatives checking we were ok, offering their houses where there was still power and therefore hot showers - not that we could get there most roads were cut.  We could barely move for the exhaustion.  I think I was sitting on the stairs as I looked around that room, filled with the people I loved, in the house that had been saved and felt like the luckiest person alive.

Over the next weeks, months and years I've watched as the city rebuilt.  People I know have rebuilt their lives, going from having literally only the clothes on their backs to a full complement of 'stuff'.  The thing it has taught me is that if you have your friends and family, you can start over.  You can rebuild.  You can come out of disaster stronger and happier than before.

Today on the 10th anniversary of the Canberra bushfires, fires are burning around the country.  Houses have been lost this fire season, a lot of them.  I hope the people left behind are supported the way the Canberra community supported our friends and family.

It is a sombre day today, one when I'm sure many tears will be shed.  I however will be celebrating the people who make my life so wonderful by having my girlfriends around for drinks and tacos.  These are the people who I know with 100% certainty will be there to help me pick up the pieces if I am ever unfortunate enough to lose everything.  I can't imagine a better way to spend this evening, celebrating friendship with fun and laughter and once again feeling like the luckiest person alive.